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This was apparently a major faux pas, as a grizzled man stormed into the kitchen and into my face with one of the sparkling clean steak knives. Nicer than mine, anyway. But the head chef was an aggressive Gordon Ramsay wannabe. The kitchen was tiny, just me and a cool older woman, so we were inventing places to plate things and barely holding it together, but it was alright. As I was putting away the silverware, I put a couple steak knives with the regular knives.

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Behind Closed Ovens Filed to. That would have to be enough for me. We figured he was either up there or out at the suppliers, so we let the cops go up. I never did find out what kind of bird it was, but I always imagined it as a chicken, partly because of the approximate size of the impact, partly because of the color of the feathers, and partly because fuck chickens. I figured if I worked there for a few months I could save up enough money to go anywhere other than Poolesville. So I just ignored it and hated my life and counted down til quitting day. He awkwardly ended the conversation as fast as he could and disappeared for the rest of the night.

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Needless to say, I did not put my all into scrubbing things as vigorously and joyously as he thought I should, so we agreed to part ways after a grand total of 3 days. Welcome back to Behind Closed Ovens, where we take a look at the best and strangest stories from inside the food industry. We went back and forth on it, but when the subject of a lawyer came up, he finally gave in and just paid the bill in full. He said no problem, I turned around to head back out to the floor—and came face-to-face with a razor-sharp blade the size of a freaking broadsword, wielded by the head chef, who has a crazy look in his eyes. He was an amateur comedian, too.

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Description: As I was putting away the silverware, I put a couple steak knives with the regular knives. His righteous fury can be heard through the closed kitchen door from a distance of about 20 feet. He held it up about 2 inches from my pimply nose and began to terrify my entire existence. They were working prep one day and the boss was drinking and messing around with a forty-pound block of cheese that he could barely hold. She stayed, probably because she was too shocked to leave. Beautiful spot—you could watch yachts sailing by, wedding parties would often arrive by boat, and more than once I saw a pod of dolphins swim past. One weeknight dinner service, she threw a fit because she got the worst section in the restaurant back of the smoking section—this was 15 years ago—where no one ever wanted to sit. My fingers were like lighting on that remote control, and I programmed like no one had ever programmed before.
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